Today I was lonely.Sitting on the pew at church, I felt very alone. Not for want of lovely friends and ward members and our sweet, little Benjamin; something was just missing.
The vacant seat beside me was a new and strange phenomenon. For the past 5 years, Dave has always sat next to me at church. There is a certain sense of comfort, safety and security in having him next to me.
I knew today was coming and I thought I was emotionally prepared, but I was wrong. I was completely shocked at how his absence blindsighted me and how profound that absence felt.
Obviously, I was so happy to see him up on the stand. I smiled when he laughed because I knew what he was thinking. I even tried to pull goofy faces to see if he would notice - he mostly didn't because he was paying attention, as he should. I'm proud that he is righteous and worthy to receive this new calling.
It's a big change for our family and there is such beauty and hope and potential with change. But today, there was a definite sense of loss with this change... and that loss was exquisite.
I knew today was coming and I thought I was emotionally prepared, but I was wrong. I was completely shocked at how his absence blindsighted me and how profound that absence felt.
Obviously, I was so happy to see him up on the stand. I smiled when he laughed because I knew what he was thinking. I even tried to pull goofy faces to see if he would notice - he mostly didn't because he was paying attention, as he should. I'm proud that he is righteous and worthy to receive this new calling.
It's a big change for our family and there is such beauty and hope and potential with change. But today, there was a definite sense of loss with this change... and that loss was exquisite.
5 comments:
I, on the other hand, thought Sunday was bliss! Just sit by Linda. She'll take care of ya!
He was so serious on the stand. I remember when the Mr was on the High Council and our girls were very young. He was very rarely at our meeting. It is lonesome, but the blessings..... and we would be happy to hold little Mr B.
What's the new calling??
Stacey - I bet it was a great day for you. It was cute to see Todd holding Hayden... loved that.
Linda - thanks. :) I know we will be blessed and I'll be ok; it was just that first day - the change was hard.
Anne - he was called as the 2nd counselor in the bishopric. (I tried to comment on your post "Trials" via my feed reader, but it didn't show up on your actual blog. Anyway, I was sorry to hear about the struggle, but I loved the quote you shared.)
maybe we should sit together and help each other out :-) doing it by yourself is super tough. I wonder how Michelle L will do!
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